A Heart's Longing I recently had a dream which taps into my heart's longing. It was an encounter with a male figure who made me feel special, loved and desired; not in a physical, sexual way, but a deeper spiritual way which draws me to something higher, and more transcending.
To try and explain it further think of the scene of Mary Magdalene when she is waiting and longing for her beloved outside the tomb; and the “gardener” shows up who then calls her name, “Mary”(Jn 20:11-16)… and this encounter with Jesus taps into the deep longing in Magdalene’s heart to be known, loved and desired… not in a superficial, finite way, but in a deep, infinite, genuine way that is everlasting; to the point that she goes "to sell all (she) has to buy it" (Mt 13:44-46).
So many can be mesmerized by things of this world, and even things not of this world (such as occult practices). But, mesmerized in a way that draws them not to the “Source and Summit of… life,” “the pearl of great price” that we can sell all that we have to buy (Mt 13:45-46); but, rather, to a counterfeit, that doesn’t seem counterfeit, because it may seem to sate the deep longing of the heart to some degree at least… and so, many stop there.
But, is this why we can still hear Bono (of U2), and many others, singing, “I still haven’t found what I am looking for"?… Is it because they haven’t really found and tapped into the “source”, the “treasure”, the Divine and infinite Lover, who alone can truly sate to the core of one’s longing; granted, not in a full way in this life, but in “tastes of Heaven,” that will draw one toward ever-greater receptivity to this love that has been found.
Is this not why Mary Magdalene eventually became a hermit for 30 years up the mountain in St. Baume, France? Is this not why St. Francis wedded lady poverty, and St. Clare, never stop running… toward her beloved? Because they each had found what they were looking for.
True or Counterfeit Gospel?
Might we want to say to those still searching, who have not yet asked to be “set as a seal” on His Heart (SS 8:6), to look harder?! Search harder and more in depth?! Let us not be blinded by something that only parallels, mocks and imitates the fullness, but never crosses over into it.
Did not Jesus encounter this “prosperity gospel” of sorts, when in the desert satan tempted him in various ways. No doubt that façade looked and seemed so good from a worldly view point.
Why is it that Jesus tells us in Matthew that in the end times, “they will mislead many people… if possible, even the elect” (Mat 24:4,24)? Is it because it is a very narrow road to find our infinite lover and live for him?
Because, as with Mary Magdalene who had to give up all that she knew of this life that was satisfying (in a limited way), as with Father Abraham who had to surrender Isaac (Gen 22), as with John the Baptist who said, “I must decrease that he may increase”(Jn 3:30); as with Paul who said, “it is no longer I, but Christ living in me” (Gal 2:20)… it is up to each one of us to choose whether or not we “love this life”(Jn 12:25), or seek to lose this life, that we might find it.
“They Will Mislead… Even the Elect”
Who is God in our lives? ... Ourselves? Our own desires, opinions and wills? Other people or things at different times?... Have we truly sought to love God with our “whole heart… soul and strength”(Lk 10:27)?
There is a story of one of the Medjugorje visionaries, to whom one day a very handsome young man appeared; to paraphrase, the visionary said he was so attractive and luring, that her whole being was drawn to him, and it took everything in her to resist his allurement. But she was able to muster the strength to rebuke him, afterwards realizing it had been satan in disguise. It was a test for her.
We also are tested in various ways throughout our lives. The question is, what are we choosing each day? Are we choosing to pray/commune with God each day? Even the Rosary, and possibly Holy Mass? Or, are there so many other allurements that occupy us, that we don’t have the time or inclination?
Jesus in the Desert
What prevented Jesus from being “deceived” in the desert by satan?
Of course, Jesus is God, and He is Truth itself, and so much more powerful and intelligent than this fallen angel that was created through Him (Col 1:16). But for us the story is different, because we are frail, limited creatures. Satan who once was the highest, most beautiful of angels in heaven, is so much more intelligent than us. And he will ALWAYS win in deceiving us, unless we “become as children”, surrender to God and seek to have the Heart and mind of Christ. This is our protection.
A holy priest once said that satan can’t get us if we remain in love, truth and humility. And, this is at the heart of who Christ is. “God is love”(1Jn 4).
What is Love?
Often others will say, “But we are in love. If it seems so right, how can it be wrong?” But is this not a “parallel” deception, as spoken of earlier? … one similar to Christ’s temptation in the desert, or the 30 pieces of silver that Judas acquired? Or the apple that Eve ate (choosing her will over God’s)?
Sharing this is not meant to discount the legitimate longings we all have to be deeply known and loved to the core of who we are. This is not a discouragement from acknowledging that we have these deep needs and longings. In fact, God knows very well that we have them… and He more than anyone wants to fulfill them. Not necessarily in our time and way, but His.
And, this is the catch. This is where we can be snared by the evil one who is so crafty and deceptive, as to lure us in our weaknesses, and convince us of the goodness we have found.
Did not Eve experience this?
Through superficial reflection on Genesis 3 we might wonder, why did Eve get so tempted by an apple when there were so many other luscious fruits she could eat. And, truth being, she did have a lot more going for her than we do now in this fallen world. But, still, satan is conniving. He studies us. He knows us, to the degree that God allows. And, he is much smarter than us; seducing us to choose him in any way he can.
Again, what is our protection against him? Certainly not our own logic, intelligence, or feelings. If Jesus relied on his own human feelings in the desert, surely the bread would have been appealing; as well, the thought of having glory and respect in this life; and, freedom from suffering.
But, instead, He showed us the way:
He taught us how to live a life that is disciplined, ascetical, poor, humble; to foster a filial relationship with God; to “Behold (our) Mother” (Jn 19:27); to take up our cross and follow after him.
He taught us how to get in touch with our deepest ache, and invite Him in. This is why he came into this world from the moment of conception, rather than snap in at the age of 30 to begin his public ministry. He showed us how to truly be human as he created us to be; how to allow ourselves to be loved and nurtured by a perfect Heavenly Mother and Father; how to allow ourselves to be loved by a perfect brother, friend and lover; and, then, how to love and serve others as he has done with us. It is in this that our fulfillment lies. For this is what we are truly looking for. In our deepest core we are longing to be the fullness of who we were created to be, which primarily entails being loved and loving.
Open the Treasure Chest
And, this brings us now to opening the great treasure chest of the Catholic Church, to find the riches that aid us so well in going right where we need to; fast and smoothly.
We first take out of the chest the “source and summit” Himself. The Holy Eucharist, which is the Most Blessed Sacrament. It is as though a mirror into which we must gaze, in order to find our true identity in Christ; it is the Divine Lover himself who enters deeply into us through Holy communion, to hold us in His nuptial embrace. It is this treasure that tops them all because it is the “Pearl” itself, the “Source” for which we so ache and long.
And, all the other Sacraments aid us in fostering this communion with our Triune God, for which we were created.
We then take out the"new garden of paradise" in which to enter: Consecration to Mary's Immaculate Heart; and a weapon so powerful: the Holy Rosary; both primary aids in living wholeheartedly the Sacramental life of the Church in an integrated way.
Mary draws us to a holiness and wholeness, as we allow our lives from the moment of our own conception, and throughout life, to become one with Christ’.
Thus we can find healing, redemption and sanctity permeating every moment and stage of our lives, every room, nook and cranny of our hearts. Mary draws our hearts to become ever-more whole and Immaculate like her own.
So much more lies in this treasure chest, that can take a lifetime, and more, to discover.
But for now, the question for each of us is:
Have we yet found what we are looking for? And, if so, have we sold everything to buy it?
"To Our Divine Eucharistic Bridegroom, through Our Immaculate Mother!"